Sex Addiction Through the Body: How Somatic Experiencing Helps Where Talk Therapy Falls Short
Some time ago, I was speaking with a male relative in Connecticut who is in recovery from drugs and alcohol. Our conversation unexpectedly shifted to sex and love addiction—and how much of an epidemic it truly is.
What struck me most wasn’t just the prevalence, but how unknown it remains. Many people—especially men—don’t even realize that sex and love addiction exists. For most, it isn’t something they identify on their own. Awareness often comes only after entering treatment for substance use, when deeper patterns begin to surface and long-standing behaviors around sex, intimacy, secrecy, and attachment finally have a name.
By that point, these patterns have often been operating quietly for years—normalized, minimized, or hidden behind relationships, sometimes disguised as male bravado, professional success, or a carefully managed exterior. What appears to be about impulse control or “bad choices” is frequently something much deeper happening beneath conscious awareness.
And that’s where the conversation needs to change.
It’s costly– I have seen it destroy families and relationships. A wise teacher once told me, “When there is addiction in families, that’s what raises the children.”
Also, it's ironic that nothing is more attractive to a healthy partner, both males and females, than someone who can manage their sexual energy.
Rethinking “Sex Addiction”
The term sex addiction carries enormous shame. Many clients arrive feeling broken, lonely, out of control, or morally flawed. But from a nervous system perspective, compulsive sexual behavior is rarely about sex itself.
It’s about regulation.
It’s about relief.
It’s about the body doing whatever it can to manage overwhelming internal states. It's a dopamine hit.
When the nervous system has learned—often early—that connection isn’t safe, emotions aren’t welcome, or closeness leads to pain, the body adapts. Sexual arousal and orgasm can temporarily soothe anxiety, numb emotional distress, or create a sense of aliveness when someone feels otherwise disconnected.
The behavior isn’t the problem.
The reliance on it is as well as the consequences– for example, the betrayal of a commitment.
Why Insight Alone Often Isn’t Enough
Many people struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors are highly intelligent, self-aware, and motivated to change. They understand their patterns. They know the consequences. And yet, the cycle continues.
This is because these behaviors don’t live in the thinking brain.
They are driven by a nervous system shaped by:
Early attachment wounds
Chronic stress or emotional neglect
Long-standing states of fight, flight, or freeze
You cannot think your way out of a nervous system response.
This is where Somatic experiencing (SE) becomes essential.
How Somatic Experiencing Works With Sex Addiction
Somatic Experiencing is a body-based, trauma-informed approach that helps the nervous system return to regulation—without retraumatizing or forcing insight before the body is ready.
Rather than focusing solely on stopping behavior, SE helps clients:
Recognize early bodily cues that precede urges
Increase tolerance for emotional states without immediate discharge
Gently release stored survival energy held in the body
Build a felt sense of safety that isn’t dependent on sexual stimulation
As regulation improves, the urgency behind the behavior softens. Over time, the nervous system no longer needs the same intensity to feel okay.
This work is intentionally slow—and that’s why it’s effective.
Shame Is Not a Treatment Plan
One of the most damaging aspects of sex and love addiction is shame. Shame does not interrupt compulsive behavior—it reinforces it. When the nervous system perceives judgment, it contracts, and the cycle deepens.
Somatic Experiencing approaches these patterns with curiosity rather than condemnation.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I stop?”
We ask:
What does your body experience before the urge?
What happens internally when you try to resist?
What does your nervous system believe would happen if you didn’t act?
These questions create space for real change.
Reclaiming Choice, Intimacy, and Control
Healing from sex addiction is not about becoming less sexual. It’s about becoming more regulated, more present, and more choiceful. It's also about freedom.
As clients develop nervous system capacity, they often experience:
Fewer urges—or urges that pass without action
Increased emotional intimacy and relational safety
Less secrecy and internal conflict
A more integrated, respectful relationship with desire
Sex becomes something that is chosen—not demanded by an overwhelmed nervous system.
A Final Word
If you or someone you love is struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors in Palm Beach, Virtual Florida and Virtual Connecticut, this is not a character flaw. It is an adaptation.
With the right support, the body can learn new ways to feel safe, connected, and alive—without relying on cycles that no longer serve.
Somatic work doesn’t rush this process.
It respects it.
And that respect is often where true healing begins.
About the Author: Jennifer Goggin, LPC, LMHC, SEP, is a licensed therapist in Palm Beach, Florida, offering anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and trauma treatment using Somatic experiencing, Somatic therapy, as well as many others. She provides in-person therapy locally and virtual therapy throughout Florida and Connecticut. Jennifer specializes in attachment wounds, family of origin, nervous system regulation and helping parents navigate their dysregulation challenges.
Follow her insights on Instagram (@gogginjen) and LinkedIn (see website for link) or learn more at www.jennifergogginLMHC.com.
