Progress, Not Perfection: A Real-Life Moment of Regulation Before Christmas
It was a week before Christmas.
I was in the kitchen baking cookies—the ones my kids had been begging for—while they bounced around the house, full of excitement and absolutely not doing their homework. If you’ve ever lived through December with children, you know the energy. Loud. Chaotic. Magical….
And then I heard it.
A crash.
I turned the corner and saw our Christmas tree face-planted on the floor. Ornaments—some I didn’t even know could break—were shattered everywhere. Among them were antique ornaments my grandfather Sabo had bought years ago, when my dad was a child—pieces of our family history, broken beyond repair. This summer, I just helped my mom get into an assisted living— we are planning to sell the house my Dad built to help pay for her care, so this hit my heart hard.
There was silence, a deep breath.
And I didn’t react. That was a Christmas miracle.
I felt sad. Deeply sad. Those ornaments held memories of Christmases long past at the house. But I didn’t yell. I didn’t say the things that flashed through my mind. I stayed with myself. I stayed present. And somehow, I didn’t even let the cookies burn…miracle number two.
What Regulation Really Looks Like
Ironically, at the same moment this was happening, my phone buzzed with a post from Spirence Wellness, a company I sometimes collaborate with. They had just released a video I recorded on nervous system regulation about surviving the holiday season!
Life has a sense of humor.
People often think that if they work with me—especially through Somatic Experiencing or trauma therapy—that they’re supposed to become calm, collected, Buddha-on-a-mountaintop humans who never feel anger, sadness, or frustration. That’s not regulation.
One of my favorite parts of the Bible is when Jesus got mad in the marketplace outside of the temple because it was being commercialized—” You go, Jesus, you go!”
But seriously, regulation isn’t about never feeling big emotions. It’s about being able to stay present with them, instead of being hijacked by old patterns, old wounds, or old survival responses.
Trauma, the Nervous System, and the Present Moment
When we do trauma work—whether that’s Somatic therapy, PTSD therapy, or deeper nervous system healing—we’re not erasing emotions. We’re untangling the past from the present.
Old experiences live in the body. When they’re unresolved, the nervous system reacts as if danger is happening now, even when it isn’t. That’s when reactions feel explosive, automatic, or out of proportion.
As that old history softens, something shifts.
You become more available to the present moment.
And sometimes, the present moment still brings sadness. Or anger. Or the urge to yell.
If my child ran into the street with a car coming, I would yell—because that’s a healthy stress response. That’s protection. That’s instinct doing its job.
Regulation isn’t about suppressing that.
Progress, Not Perfection
There’s a saying in 12-step programs that I love:
“Progress, not perfection.”
The same is true when learning regulation, healing trauma, or working through anxiety and depression.
Healing doesn’t mean you never get triggered again. It means you recover more quickly. You notice sooner. You pause. You choose differently when you can—and when you can’t, you offer yourself compassion instead of shame. Maybe when you do “screw up, ” you can laugh later.
Last week, that night in the kitchen wasn’t perfection.
It was progress.
How Somatic Therapy Supports Real-Life Change
In my work providing Somatic Experiencing, Trauma therapy, Anxiety therapy, and Depression therapy in Palm Beach, Florida, and virtually throughout Florida and Connecticut, I help clients build this exact capacity.
Not to be perfect.
But to be more present.
More responsive.
More connected—to themselves, to the people they love…to Life!
Because real healing shows up in kitchens, not meditation cushions.
If you’re tired of feeling like your reactions don’t match the moment…
If anxiety, depression, or trauma feel like they’re running your life…
If you want real tools that work in real life—
